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February 16, 2009
Ranch dressing -- enough! A third of the planet must be covered in ranch dressing by now, especially that not-so-Hidden Valley stuff (aisle 5, third row up, Kroger Grocery Store #422, Blacksburg, Virginia, 24061).
Anglo-Europeans have been putting this goop on everything from iceberg lettuce, to pizza, to the internet, for as long as Scotsmen have prodded sheep with sticks. Time for a coup. Please don't eat ranch dressing. Let's let this creamy catastrophy die. Let the edges of the bottle opening become crusty, and let's move on to something promising!
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